Or as the Jews call it... the Bible
- Seven days in a world not yet fucked up by gangster rap
- The forest of bizarre trees and the first ever hookup
- The first blond and the first illegal immigrant
- The first murderer - an angry vegetarian
- The many children of Eve's baby daddy
- The brown-nosing boat builder
- And you think your family vacation sucked!
- God's anger management issues
- God's pride parade and the power of the penis
- A chapter only Wakko from the Animaniacs could make enjoyable
- God hated erections, but loves overpopulation
- God's first bad promise, Abraham be pimpin'; what happens in Egypt...
- Brokeback Campsite: Abram finds a way to quit Lot
- A bunch of warmongers you won't give a shit about, and rescuing Lot from kidnapping Sodomites
- God promises more than an impotent old fart could dream
- Knocking up the help, who is NOT a Viking comic character btw
- God finally speaks to man again, and He goes straight for the penis
- Abraham invents haggling - the weirdest auction ever
- Resident Anal - God blows up the horny zombie city
- Pimping out the old lady... the really old lady
- Hagar the Horribly Annoying - the Treaty of Something or Other
- And you thought the Lohans were bad parents!
- Take my dead wife... please take my dead wife!
- The journey of the horny servant who gets nookie for others
- Isaac's wife has a tribble baby who grows up to be a soup addict
- Isaac doesn't learn from his dad's mistakes, which is why he sucks at real estate
- Clearly Isaac was a bear chaser, blessing his "favorite" son (or so he thinks)
- The ladder to heaven that didn't make Jacob drink Kool-Aid
- Jacob goes a long way for a chick he didn't even realize he wasn't banging
- Bitches be all pimping out their baby daddy for vegetables
- Stealing and sitting on top of gods: Rachel's a crazy, kinky gal!
- Jacob’s Grudge Match with God, who’s not only a pussy, but a sore loser too
- Reunited and it feels so . . . creepy
- The first RapistMingle.com marriage leads to a lot of crotch mangling
Song of Songs:
...because the Old one is so last eon ago