Thursday, January 30, 2014

Dear NALTs of all kinds

NALT stands for "Not All Like That," so that a NALT is someone who is of a particular category who is offended because someone said something about many of that category and they want to go into a huge rant about how they want everyone to know they're not all like that. Often they do so pretending like they're the real victim of persecution, when in fact the issue is brought up because people of their type are persecuting others. To such people, I say the following....

Dear whoever the fuck you are:

I know you're not "all like that". Republicans are not "all like that". Christians are not "all like that". In fact, I'll make it very general to fit all such situations:

[Insert person type here] are not "all like that" and I have many [same type here] friends who aren't. Thank you.

I don't see any reason, however, why I should have to cloud my posts with footnotes on everything I say when they're as bloody obvious as this is. We all know [type]s are not all like that. We're talking about the ones who are. If you're not, then it doesn't pertain to you, does it? I'll defer to sex advice columnist Dan Savage, who I think put it better than anybody ever has in his answer to a Christian crying about not all Christians being "like that" when he answered the question:

What is the biggest barrier to the acceptance of gay marriage in the U.S.?

There are two big barriers.

First: all those loud, aggressive, and hypocritical right-wing "Christian" shitsticks who oppose marriage equality because of some supposedly anti-gay bullshit they read in the Bible while ignoring everything in the very same Bible that limits their own sexual freedoms—you know, all those motherfuckers who masturbate, fornicate, divorce, and remarry, and then turn around and oppose same-sex marriage because it "goes against their religion."

Second: all those quiet, timid, and cowardly NALT Christians out there who support marriage equality but have allowed their conservative coreligionists to hijack Christianity. ("NALT" stands for "not all like that," the phrase you hear from liberal Christians whenever you bitch about conservative Christians, i.e., "We're not all like that!" Yes, yes, NALTs—we know. You're not all like that. Don't tell us. Tell Tony Perkins, tell the pope, tell Maggie Gallagher.)

I tend to offend people a lot. I know this. Mostly because I talk. If you never want to offend anybody, don't ever say anything. But the problem with that is, if you say nothing, you'll go through life have never being heard. I'd rather offend some people than never be heard. Especially since I've encountered too many people so damned stupid that they'll get offended at the drop of a hat and engage in battles against their offenders that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. Anyone that stupid deserves to be offended.

What drives me out of my absolute mind is the fact people don't see what you've actually written, nor hear what you actually say. They see what they want to see, or hear what they want to hear, so that they can launch into their offense-gasms and let out a little steam. They don't give a shit that you don't deserve their vitriol in any way. They just want to do it. And this pisses me off because many of us have real battles of persecution, and are actually fighting in real ways, while these people are just pissed off someone says something they don't like, and want to ride the persecution train.

You know the persecution train, don't you? I'm so misunderstood... woe is me... kinda like anytime a fundie Christian meets someone who doesn't immediately convert when they ask them to and they think they're being so persecuted by that person. Christians are actually the first political-correctness whiners of history, I think. And yes, I know, you're not all like that! Shut the fuck up!

You think your status as victim justifies whatever you're going to say and do and therefore I don't actually have to be held accountable. How liberating that must be or something. Fuck that. I offend, and I am happy to hear that I offend. Kick me out of your group, mailing list, whatever. If you can't handle it, I'm glad you don't accept me. I'd rather you didn't. I have no interest in being in any self-righteous bullshit group of people. I'd rather run on the fuck you train than the persecution train. The one that says if you don't like me, for whatever reason, fuck you. I know who I am. And isn't the whole point of that politically correct bullshit wagon trying to teach people to stop quickly and carelessly judging people? Do you think it's any better to quickly judge someone's entire character just because you don't like a word or two they said? Does that tell you who they are or what they stand for?

So why do you feel the need to badger me if I speak about something a religious group has done, when I've very clearly not said at all that everyone in that religious group has done it? If you see me say all Christians are assholes, then you'd have a point. If you see me say that Christians have done something, don't argue if it's true that some Christians did in fact do something. And don't try to tell me that "no real Christian woudl do that," because that's an argumentative error called the No True Scotsman fallacy. In making that fallacy you are still acting self-righteous, as though no Christian can possibly do such a wrong, which is utter horseshit.

Point is, we all know you're not all like that and we don't need to have to put footnotes on everything we say to make sure it's absolutely clear so nobody gets pissy. I'd rather you just go ahead and get pissy on me if you need. That way I can laugh at you.

If you know me, then you'll know me very clearly, because I make myself very clear. Therefore you'll know my criticism of Christianity is one of solid disagreement on the basic doctrine as I've come to understand it, but that my criticism of Christians is different, and that my criticism of Christians goes against each one individually. If you don't know me clearly, take a second to before you launch at me, or I don't honestly give a shit what you think about me because clearly you've not taken the time to get to know me and are ironically quick-judging me the way you've falsely accused me of doing to you. I know many who do not act like what I'm criticizing, and I thank them for not acting like that. That is, if they aren't silently allowing their congregation to act like that unchallenged. If they are, I have full criticism of that, and of them.

We know you're not all like that. We don't have to keep saying it. Shut up. Seriously. Do you really think when Christians that are like that are in fact acting like assholes to us, and we say something about it, that it helps us in any way for you to keep nagging at us that we shouldn't say you're all like that? When we haven't? It just muddles up the conversation. If you agree we shouldn't be treated like that, stand beside us and tell them that they're wrong! But you're not. So shut up! We know. We're the gays being told all gays are such and such, or the Muslims being told all Muslims are such and such, etc. We know. Tell them! Get off our asses!

Conversation has become impossible because nobody hears anybody anymore. They just listen for an opportunity to pounce. But you're not disrupting my conversation. I won't let you. It's the Republicans that need to STFU, not us. It's the Christians who are like that that need to STFU. And yes, we know, not all Republicans are like that, but all Republicans do need to SHUT THE FUCK UP! And pretty much most Christians. Because to be honest, this would will be better off without that religion anyway.