Operation: No More Mr. Nice Liberal

Immediately Brian Fischer has said the exact fucking thing you knew some bullshit sonofabitch would say. There needed to be guns in that church.
I know FoxNews keeps forgetting to tell you this, but it was A BLACK CHURCH. I guess he forgot what happens when a black man has merely a toy gun:

No, Brian, having a gun in church IS an attack on Christianity. That fucking book said, in case you don’t remember, that Christianity was about “beating swords into plowshares” and not fighting. It takes zero faith to have a gun and shoot your enemy. It takes faith to invite a white man into your black church because you’re all inclusive, and being killed for it.
DON’T FUCKING TELL ME ABOUT GUNS. Beside, didn’t you hear? Fox has already declared it TOO SOON to talk about guns in the wake of Charleston, and damn you Obama for even doing it.
How interesting? I’m guessing those talking about gun control are “politicizing” this, but FoxNews is not? Except no. Fox is, and gun control people are trying to prevent the next tragedy, not trying to politicize this one. Get it right.
You want to see change? You want to see gun control finally being discussed? Here’s what you do.
Blacks, get together, get all the guns you can, and get thee to the nearest KKK meeting. Open fire and kill as many fucking bigots you can. Call it Operation: No More Mr. Nice Nigger.
Gays, get all the guns you can. Get thee to Westboro and anti-gay organizations, and open fire on the bigots. Call it Operation: No More Mr. Nice Faggot.
Muslims, get all the guns you can. Get thee to the churches that just waved guns in front of your mosque, and don’t even use them. Just hold them up and call it Operation: No More Mr. Nice Towelhead.
Show them the very thing they fear most. They have never meant guns for all as a human right. They’ve only ever meant guns for all white people. Show them guns can get into your hands and be used against them.
See how quickly we get some fucking gun control in this fucking country.
Please don’t actually do this. All I’m saying is that this is the only thing that would bring actual change, because the only thing these pieces of shit ever do is out of hate, and that’s the only way they’d ever make change. Out of hate. Out of feeling they are the victims.
Look how much they avoid saying ‘black’ in talking about Charleston. No, it’s the Christians who are the victims, despite the shooter saying he was there to shoot black people. Look how quickly gun owners are the victim, and not the black people who didn’t own guns and were actually killed. Look how quickly white gun-waving fuckers in Phoenix pretended to be the victims while standing outside of a mosque and actually hurting the 1st Amendment religious rights of Islam.
Don’t give me that shit. You are not the victim. You keep saying you want to take the country back. Back from whom? You’re the ones making all the hate happen. You’re in control. You’re the privileged. When blacks have a gun (or don’t even have one) they’re “thugs” and when a Muslim does something he’s a “terrorist” but when a white fucker has a gun and actually kills people? We have to focus on “mental illness.” Awww. And he’s taken alive. PRIVILEGE, BITCH.
Stop crying about how gun control only takes guns from the law abiding, when that’s not true at all. I notice you have no ideas. You just keep dismissing all other ideas as just taking guns from law abiding people. That’s not what’s proposed. That’s just your stupid ass dismissal of all actual ideas.
If you would stop making gun owners the victims, you need to become the victims. Notice you’re never the ones shot. You’re just the ones crying because we’re coming for your guns (although we never do). Quit your crying.
You’re the ones we need to take the country back from, assholes.

Monkeycocks: and I am a proud fucking nerd

So we’re leaving the theater yesterday... and by the way, treat yourself to Spy because it is fucking worth it. And I see this poster of a typical muscle guy and the poster above read MMXXL.

Now to be fair, I didn’t know about the XXL part. Probably because I didn’t care. All I know is that I’m sitting there doing the math in my head and thinking, why would someone write 2,030 in that way? Shouldn’t it just be MMIII?

Oh. Okay. So today I just saw the advertisement on during Bones.

Magic Mike XXL. Gotcha. Yeah.

Because we have that. And we have Entourage. Hey women, how about we do a movie about smart men sometime? Men who make a difference in the world? Men AND women who are reshaping the way we see the world?

Ernest Cline gets it:

(Click here if the embed doesn’t work)

I wish more thought this way. The brain needs to be seen as sexy too. We need to evolve. We pay billions to muscly guys just to watch them move a ball, while ignoring what the schools are actually there for. We beat on the smart guys and then live in the luxuries of the advancements of science that they give to us, never thanking them. We shower attention on that which gives us zero progress and zero lasting worth.

In short, we’re fucking peacocks.

People assume evolution works as constant improvement, but that’s bullshit. It often works quite illogically. While sometimes it works in a random reassortment of traits within a new population of the species (genetic drift), or it works through the well-known passing on of the strongest specimen in a competition (survival of the fittest), it also often works through a method scientists like to jokingly call ladies’ choice.

And in peacocks, there’s no logic at all. Peacocks fuck with the most colorful male that catches their eye, even though there’s zero survival value in those colors.

That’s what we do. We’re causing the Idiocracy because we’re aroused by muscles that won’t even be passed on to the offspring. What is more likely to be passed on to them is that your muscly father you’ve chosen for your mating is too fucking vain to care about you or your kids, and will run off with some younger model when things get rough.

Intelligence can be passed on, however. And the intelligent man will more likely care for you and value your children, not just as potential atheletes, teaching them to value themselves based on how physically attractive they are, but also how well they can move that fucking ball from the 30 yard line to the end zone... but to value knowledge and wisdom, and their imagination and its potential to bring amazing change.

I say we’re peacocks. Ernest Cline says we’re monkeys:

We're Monkeycocks.

And we’re seriously leading ourselves to the stupidest possible outcome of our species when we could be moving to amazing potential. But hey, at least you got a couple of touchdowns and had some disappointing orgasms with people who pretended you didn’t exist afterward. Good on you.

The link between the term “Christian” and the Greek practice of...

The link between the term “Christian” and the Greek practice of BUTTSEX

Meet Irony courageously head on, if you dare

Nothing good is going to cum of this (no typo)

A vagina-scope. A pussycam. A Twat-pro. Whatever you wanna call it, everything about it is just wrong as wrong can be. And yet why do I feel like it's going to be involved in a healthcare plan for women if Republicans have their way with the ACA?









And I don't even wanna know what's going to start happening on video shows like Tosh.0 or Right This Minute. I just know that this needs to be kept away from gay men by any means necessary.



The 'sex selfie stick' lets you FaceTime the inside of a vagina - Weird News - News - The Independent

Edwin Lyngar goes all Taylor Swift on Ron Paul

Edwin Lyngar, Salon contributor from Reno, talks about his bad breakup with Libertarianism after a trip to Honduras where he got to see those ideals in practice: My libertarian vacation nightmare: How Ayn Rand, Ron Paul & their groupies were all debunked - Salon.com

I find it amusing that he comes right out and says it, even admitting he fell into the same trap:

"In America, libertarian ideas are attractive to mostly young, white men with high ideals and no life experience that live off of the previous generation’s investments and sacrifice. I know this because as a young, white idiot, I subscribed to this system of discredited ideas:  Selfishness is good, government is bad. Take what you want, when you want and however you can.  Poor people deserve what they get, and the smartest, hardworking people always win.  So get yours before someone else does."

I agree. Just about every libertarian I know personally or have dealt with online is a gun weilding person insisting that I owe my freedom to the fact they have one, insisting that they're such a humanitarian and I should be thanking them for their selflessness. As though they personally have wrestled enemies who are coming for my freedumbz and taken them out of the hands of the Hamburglars and returned them to me with a, "Just doin' mah job, sir." And yet they're all wobbly as I am and look like the last thing they wrestled was a triple cheeseburger. 

Look, you're not that guy from 24. That guy from 24 isn't even that guy from 24. He's a Republican douchebag who acts, says lines, and bitches little people out if they don't bring him his latte in a timely manner.

And yes. They're all white guys. All of them. One was a woman long ago who I called a sister until the day I wouldn't go along with the lie about our president being a Muslim man, nor her bigoted insistence that all Muslims want her head on a stick. I watched her descend into a feral thumb-sucker as the rest of the south horded guns and prepared for secession. 

All of them also join in the McCarthyist conga line as they make fun of liberals. Usually it's because liberals assume they're Republicans, and isn't that just so last century! Except that's all they really are. Republicans. Of last century. Now pretending to be ashamed of the name yet saying all the same shit. Oh, except they're okay with gays now, so shouldn't I just be all ashamed of myself for confusing them or something. (They all try this tactic as though it somehow discredits you instead of them.)

What should scare you about Libertardianism is how much Lyngar describes it, and it sounds like everything going wrong in this country right now, in these selected gems from the article:

...the police ride around in pickup trucks with machine guns, but they aren’t there to protect most people... You can see the evidence of previous decades of infrastructure investment in roads and bridges, but it’s all in slow-motion decay... Welcome to an Ayn Rand’s libertarian paradise, where your extra-large pepperoni pizza must also have an armed guard... The closer you get to totally untamed, uncontrolled privatization, the nearer you approach “Lord of the Flies.”

Lyngar makes a point that I find most ironic. You see, when gun-wavers talk to me, they insist to me that I just don't get it because I've not been out there, meaning out of the country. Like they have. Where there are none of them freedumbz. So it's hilarious that Lyngnar says:

Part of the reason this discredited, libertarian bullshit still carries any weight for Americans is because so few of us travel.  Only 30 percent of Americans have passports, and if Americans do go places, it’s not often to Honduras.  On the mainland of Honduras, we saw no more than a handful of Americans... It has nonstop flights from the U.S. directly to the island so you can skip all the needless reality.

I guess if you've only gone to war, or you've only gone somewhere with the mindset that everything else must be horrible, you probably are going to see nothing but horrors outside of this country's borders. But you can't tell me that the rest of the world is horrible because they don't haz the guns and you do. If anything so many places are horrible because they don't have regulations that bring freedom to all rather than just to a strong few who then deny it to everyone else, as happens in Libertarianism. 

So as I made this graphic a couple nights ago, I shall share it one more time for all the Libertarians who think that I'm the fool for assuming that you're Republican, even though we all damn well know ya are, Blanche... ya are...

Yeah. I'm the one who feels silly. Sure.

To serve and protect..... rapists?

Police Wouldn’t Stop Abuse and Rape of 300 Children Despite Receiving Multiple Reports For Six Years | Filming Cops

So apparently the police now "serve and protect" child rapists? When child abusers are put into prison it's known as a death sentence, as criminals in prison notoriously have no tolerance for such a thing. What about prisoners when they face cops known to protect the rapists? And who wants to find out with me?



Filming Cops reports:

We are forced to pay them money from our hard-earned paychecks, and in exchange they’re supposed to protect us.

But here’s what they really do with our money — they use it for:

-Buying high-tech militarized equipment to play with (such as MRAP tanks and assault rifles)
-Writing us tickets and fining us for victimless activities like possessing an herb.
-Harassing us at unconstitutional checkpoints.
-Spying on us without warrants via the use of Federal fusion centers.

And so on.

Meanwhile, real violent crimes are being committed and the police are mostly nowhere to be found.

In the most recent case, as many as 700 children may have been abused and raped, or are currently at risk of such, but the police “failed to stop it” according to reports.

An investigation into the failure of police to stop the abuse — and in some cases, violent sexual torture — of hundreds of young girls has concluded that there are at least 300 victims.

Multiple complaints were filed with the police in hopes that the girls would be saved, but the police apparently had more important things to do.

Most of the children were in a “care” facility where they were being abused, sometimes sexually, by adult men.

The abuse continued over the course of 15 years during which police altogether failed to take action on any of the reports.

The Guardian reported a particularly gruesome case of a 12-yr-old girl who was repeatedly violently raped.

The child described what happened to her as “torture sex,” suggesting that sadistic pain infliction may have been involved.

Eventually the child became pregnant, and was then forced to have an abortion on the streets.

Her body was sexually tortured for at least six years, according to reports.

There were numerous instances where police could have acted on the complaints to prevent further abuse, but they did not do so, allowing it to continue uninterrupted, according to reports.

In another case, as many as half a dozen young girls between the ages of 11 and 15 were literally enslaved and violently abused.

Given that they had so many opportunities to stop the abuse that was brought to their attention and they allowed it to continue, many wonder if the police themselves were in on it.

Some suspect that the police may have been getting paid by the abusers to “look the other way” or perhaps police were participating in the abuse.

At least seven men have been convicted as of May 2013, but there are many more at large and they may never be found.

In either case, the abuse could have been stopped long ago, but was not.

Apparently police were too busy issuing tickets to people on their way to work, arresting people for carrying a harmless plant, and meeting other dubious quotas.

Girls had gone missing over and over again in multiple cities, and many of the children might still be enslaved as the scandal is just now unfolding.

Kanye leaving the US because of racism

Kanye leaving the US because of racism

Okay, before you all go LOL about how ludicrous he is, he's actually not wrong about this country being incredibly racist. From its first inception by slave-owners, to its declaration of independence mostly because England was ending slavery and they didn't want to (and you thought it was about taxes? Even Libertarians admit it wasn't), to its genocide of those inconvenient red people who didn't live the one right way, we've been horrendous about race.

But Kanye, you're hardly the first to notice this. In fact I'm gonna let you finish, but Beyonce did a better job of talking about facing racism and standing against it than you did. She has a history from her family's marching with Dr. King, to their attendance at a previously all-white school. So Kanye, how does it feel to have Beyonce thrown in YOUR face?

But agreed, the incident is serious shit. Can't believe I'm going to say this, but I feel for Kim. The verbal attack of "nigger lover" is but one of a thousand bullshit things happening lately that just shows racism is not going anywhere and is on a bold new rise. From the way the haters responded to a president with too much melanin, to the constant reports of police brutality, I don't think anybody can truthfully say they don't find it absurd as hell that SCOTUS decided racism didn't exist anymore enough to justify the guarantee of equal voting rights for all.

And I too constantly keep wanting to get out of this country. But one of my major reasons is because of how this country is constantly giving people fame and recognition when they don't deserve it all. You know, like Kanye and the Kardashians.

That's putting it mildly.

Dear Typical Bigot in a Judge’s Robe…

As Huffington Post points out, Alabama Probate John Enslen thinks that not only his personal religious beliefs supersede federal law and the rights of United States citizens who fairly win their court cases, but they also mandate that he should get away with the dereliction of his sworn duty on the taxpayer's dime, even if some of those taxpayers are the people whose rights he is deliberately ignoring. He writes:

"I will never perform a so-called same-sex marriage. A federal court can put me in jail for life, and I will still never perform a so-called same-sex marriage. As a believer in the Word of God... I cannot, in good conscience, participate in a purported marriage ceremony, which I strongly believe would profane the sacred institution of marriage. This is not about hating people. Each of us needs to treat every other human being with dignity and respect, regardless of our diametrically opposing viewpoints on this divisive issue. But tolerance is a two-way street. Either there is tolerance for all, or there is tolerance for none. I want tolerance for my personal religious viewpoint."

Well, Judge Enslen (I'd say your honor, but you clearly have none and you refuse to honor me) I would not want you to perform my wedding (you perform weddings, not marriages, unless you're one of the two getting married). Why? Because I prefer to have someone with honor to do that wedding for me based on honor, and there is no honor in your so-called religion of a so-called loving god. See, I can belittle you with that term, "so-called" too!

It is not your "good conscience" (you may have one, but it is way too faulty to be called 'good') that tells you not to do so. It's your hate. It does not profane the institution of marriage in any actual way other than in your beliefs, and your beliefs are not something I'm forcefully held to. You profane my religion, after all, and that is a religion not to hate people irrationally. And you may say it's not about hating people. It is entirely about hating people. So basically you threw a lie in there, which last I checked, you weren't supposed to do that either. And that's based on not just that archaic Bible book, but also the law you say you're supposed to uphold. Well, if you were under oath anyway. I guess you weren't at that point when you said that. So technically you're totally allowed to be a lying bigot all you want in your free life.

And that's what I wanted to tell you. Nobody will arrest you for being a lying bigot. That's never been an arrestable offense. We used to be arrested for being gay. This is why your attempt to make you the victim in this situation is laughable. But it's never stopped bigots before. They always pretend that they're' the victim when they're not even being arrested or punished for being a bigot.

But you will be arrested or punished for breaking the law, and the law of this land does not allow you to force your religious values onto me. You are not obligated to perform a wedding for me. But if you deny me my rightful marriage rights which are equal in this country in most states and should've always been in a country of church/state separation, that will happen to you. You will bitch and whine and moan about how you're the victim then too, but you will be the perpetrator. Not the  victim. And it will be because of your hate. Yes. It is absolutely hate. That is not debatable.

Tolerance can only be a two-way street if you stop being dishonest with yourself about what it actually is. If I were to refuse to perform a wedding ceremony for you because you're Christian and I'm not, then you can say intolerance is a two-way street. But right now, intolerance is a one-way street. You have never, and will never, suffer for your hate for us, nor bullied for your dislike and belief against us. We have, however, been constantly abused for being gay by the likes of you, and since people like you teach your kids the same hate, no matter how much you try to disguise it as civil and justified, they will no doubt continue to bully and abuse other gay kids.

You are intolerant to us. You have no idea what it means to be the recipient of actual, painful intolerance, and therefore, have no clout on the subject whatsoever. And what's most ironic about this one-sided intolerance street is that you’re the one that’s actually intolerable. And yet we do tolerate you. Imagine that. And if we can do that for you, that leaves you without excuse.

-- A gay citizen whose taxes pay your salary

When Conservatives think they’re being funny

And you have to remind them that untrue, ancient stereotypes about liberals aren’t really funny because humor has to have an element of truth. Like Amy here…

Complete, of course, with tired old McCarthyist accusations of Communism, because apparently that never gets old or anything. Well, I can do it too!

And in a follow up tweet, I show her how wrong her mindlessly retweeted meme was using Twitlonger:

 

"What difference AT THIS POINT does it make?" she actually said.

Your 'quote' is wrong, as usual for a conservative. Because you people are always fucking wrong.

The quote is, "What difference at this point does it make?" and it was what she said when she was asked why they gave the "lie" of an answer of it being a YouTube video to which the rioters at Benghazi were responding.

Because you idiots were calling that the biggest worst lie ever told, which is just bullshit. There were other riots at that time confirmed to have been reactions to that video. So it's hardly a stretch or a big giant lie. To say that is outrageous hyperbole.

At that moment when that was asked why they rioted, and she gave that answer as the most likely cause, what was most important at that moment was dealing with the crisis http://tinyurl.com/cg93on8 rather than sitting around coming up with an answer as to why these irrational people were doing what they were doing.

So in the inquisition, she asked what difference AT THAT POINT does it make? What difference if it was a YouTube video or a rave or a flash mob, does it make? What mattered was that four people were killed. She is NOT saying what difference does it make THAT people were killed, and that's what you're implying. And you're wrong. As usual, you fucking conservatards are completely, utterly, absolutely wrong.

By the way, they were caught and confirmed that it was the YouTube video. So it wasn't even a lie. But don't let that stop you from blabbing your ridiculous, already well proven wrong talking point bullshit.http://tinyurl.com/pw2klf7

Oh, and let's not forget Benghazi that thing in which absolutely NO WRONGDOING whatsoever by the White House was found by any investigation ever. http://tinyurl.com/lskd3cp <---rightwing source unhappily admitting it.

Not that you'd know it since Fox spewed lots of accusations, but never reported the finding:http://tinyurl.com/k4bflcn

Congrats on just being another rightwing idiot who, as I said, is completely, utterly, absolutely WRONG.

Fingered by Jesus

This comes from LOLGIFS.net on Tumblr, and totally belongs here… but as GIFs, it really was awkward to read it, so I turned it into a series of stills. Enjoy!
 

The Cheetoh-Boner wants you to use his recipe

I don’t know how I came to be on his mailing list, but I am, and I get his e-mails. Usually they’re all blame-Obama, waaahhhh they’re obstructing Republicans, and reports that are entirely 180°from the truth. But today he wants to teach you how to brine a turkey. I don’t know why. But if there’s anybody who’s been having lots of experience these past few years in handling turkeys, it’s Boner. Problem is, he sucks at it, since he hasn’t been able to get those Republicans (that’s who I meant) to stop being assholes. So by all means, try this recipe and see if he’s any better at this. If so, we can finally say he’s not an entire waste.

Oh, and happy Indian Massacre Appreciation Day! (Since that’s what the first Thanksgiving was them being thankful for… no, I’m not kidding. Although saying so is no doube a war on Thanksigiving, right Fox? But don’t think they haven’t survived and thrived despite us. They have, even though violence against them continues.

Ah well, enough of those facts that’ll just be dismissed carelessly as white guilt. Enjoy your turkeys and more of that gluttonous behavior that makes us the America that we are!

 

November 25, 2014

What’s not to love about Thanksgiving?  It’s a time to gather together, catch up with our loved ones, and of course, try to impress them with our cooking skills.

If, like me, you’re responsible for the turkey, then you’ve probably got some special ingredient or some way you make it that you’ve perfected.  For me, it’s brining the turkey.  From my kitchen at home in West Chester, Ohio, you can see exactly what I mean:

If you end up giving this a try, let me know how it goes

.  As for side dishes, I’d recommend my grandmother’s creamed spinach

.  You can’t beat it.
No matter what you make, or how you make it, Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours.  This is the day our forefathers set aside to reflect on how blessed we are to live in this great nation under God.  It's a beautiful thing.

John Boehner

---

The Boehner Brine

Ingredients: 

• 8 quarts water
• 6 bay leaves
• 2 cups Kosher salt
• 3 tbsp peppercorns
• 1 head of garlic
• 16 oz pure maple syrup

Bring the brine close to a boil, then let it cool.  Put a bag in a five-gallon bucket.  Wash the turkey and remove the insides.  Put the turkey in the bucket.  Pour the brine over to cover the turkey.  Keep the turkey submerged.  Let it stand overnight in the refrigerator or outside if it is cool enough.  After 24 hours, take it out and rinse it off.  At that point, it’s ready to be cooked.