Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Oh look, the Antichrist is coming because of Obamacare or something

Brace Yourselves








Yeah. Um. Yeah.

So just as a warning, this is going around. Your terrified grandmother will be sending it to you because they want to warn you not to take it. They’ll want to save your immortal souls and stuff. Thanks, Grandma. I’ll take it from here.

Obamamark It’s a warning post from and for religious, FoxNews watching, tin-foil hat wearing psychos who have absolutely no idea what the fuck they’re talking about. I’m not saying the device doesn’t exist. I’m not saying that ACA won’t cover such a thing. I’m saying this hardly qualifies as a fulfillment of prophecy, especially considering that the prophecy it speaks about isn’t prophecy at all. It’s bullshit, just like the entire rest of the Bible.

The “Mark of the Beast” crap is from Revelation, as you probably already know from badly written Omen and Left Behind stories. It isn’t a foretelling of anything that would happen in our future, anymore than the Four Horsemen represent anything that’s going to happen in the last days, which these people always insist is soooooooon. The Four Horsemen, in fact, represented something that happened in John’s past… John of Patmos being the author of Revelation. If you’re wondering, those four represent the already happened kingdoms that took over the Mediterranean world as empires: Babylon, Medo-Persia, Greece, and Rome. See the ‘prophecy’ of Daniel chapter 2 to confirm this. (I for one think Daniel was written during the Roman times to look like prophecy, because I know how bullshit works).

But that’s another matter all together.

Death, that fourth horsemen, was obviously Rome. And Rome was who John of Patmos was warning the people about, as it was the latest Beast. You see, Revelation was written in code, disguised to look like all the other nutjob Apocalypse texts of its time, designed to keep any Roman guards who found it from knowing what the fuck they were reading. That way the nutjobs wouldn’t know to assassinate the ones passing it around. They would have no idea it was anti-Roman.

Romans probably had no real knowledge of Hebrew scriptures, so it borrows heavily from them in order to use keywords that would be understandable by those who were well versed. And it did so in some rather crafty ways. After all, four horsemen representing the same thing as the layers of metals in a dream statue? That’s rather crafty. But what is strangely absent from this is the actual drama that’s going on. Hebrews were occupied by an invading empire. Again. And they just didn’t want to be under such occupation any longer. That was the entire point of the Christian fight (before it was turned into a literal-belief-or-burn-forever fundamentalist religion by idiots who had no idea what the fuck they were talking about, who then branded the ones who did know as heretics, and so on and so forth). They wanted to crush the empire. That’s why in Daniel 2, the rock that comes down and smashes into the feet of the statue represented the newly come Christ who would begin the campaign that would crush Empire forever. Empire is the enemy. Empire is the Beast. And this is why Rome is constantly called New Babylon, to complete the circle.

In this case, however, the mark of this Beast is hidden in even more clever means. Here’s the text. There’s some serious errors for anybody who takes this literally and insists it’s going to happen in our future:

Then I saw a second beast, coming out of the earth. It had two horns like a lamb, but it spoke like a dragon. It exercised all the authority of the first beast on its behalf, and made the earth and its inhabitants worship the first beast, whose fatal wound had been healed. And it performed great signs, even causing fire to come down from heaven to the earth in full view of the people. Because of the signs it was given power to perform on behalf of the first beast, it deceived the inhabitants of the earth. It ordered them to set up an image in honor of the beast who was wounded by the sword and yet lived. The second beast was given power to give breath to the image of the first beast, so that the image could speak and cause all who refused to worship the image to be killed. It also forced all people, great and small, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hands or on their foreheads, so that they could not buy or sell unless they had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of its name. This calls for wisdom. Let the person who has insight calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man. That number is 666.

Revelation 13:11-18

Now there’s this thing recently where people are swearing that 666 is a misprint, and that it’s really 626. No idea where that comes from. Don’t give a shit. Everyone focuses on the fucking number, and nobody on anything other than that. There is so much more here, people.

Clearly the Hebrew people resented being forced into an economy where they must do what they are told in order to be allowed to buy, sell, or eat. That’s always the way invaded people felt about the invading civilization. You know, the same way the invaded First Nations peoples of the Americas felt by the, ironically, Christian European invaders who punished them for not living the one-right-way of Christianity and civilization. Ain’t that a kick in the head?

The point of this is that you may or may not realize it, but the Beast won, and you and I have been wearing the marks of the beast all our lives already. They’re not that bad, really. Not super, but you wouldn’t give them up at all. They give you too many nice things.

What the fuck am I talking about? Like I said, this borrows from cute tips and tricks from what you and I now call the Old Testament. It is in the New Testament that we see Christians made fun of a major misunderstanding that the most religious Jews, the Pharisees, held about something from that Old Testament. Look carefully:

“The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach….. Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by others.”

Matthew 23:2-7

Phylacterie Don’t know what you’re supposed to have caught, do you? Well that’s fine. It’s not super-common knowledge. But one word may have stuck out to you. You probably wondered, for a split second, What the fuck is a phylactery? and that’s exactly what I wanted you to find. This is a mockery of the concept. It’s a really stupid concept.

Phylacteries were boxes that many orthodox Jews still wear. Why would someone wear a box? Exactly. It’s that fucking stupid. You see, this is part of their scripture:

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9

It actually even repeats this in Deuteronomy 11. The whole point of both of these passages is a warning not to be swayed to live in any way other than the way of the Jew of that time, because all other ways and all other gods are wrong, yada yada yada, propaganda propaganda, and shalom and shit. So this jealous (petty, self-congratulating, arrogant) god insisted that his followers obsess over these commandments to the point that they shape your every thought, deed, and so on, right?

Well, Pharisees decided to create boxes in which they would enclose scriptures written on little pieces of paper containing those commandments they liked most. They then bound those boxes to their heads and hands. It’s that fucking stupid. They didn’t grasp the concept of poetry or metaphor, apparently. Perhaps they wanted to be made magically pure through some kind of lucky-charm osmosis or something.

So, ta-dah! …..if they didn’t grasp the concept, perhaps the Romans wouldn’t either. It even used the exact same location of the boxes, if you look above, saying that the Beast of invading civilization would make you wear this mark on your hand or forehead.

Here’s my point: if anybody in Rome were to literally make someone wear a mark of any kind onto their head or hands, and this text were found, they’d know instantly that this was a text of heresy against the empire. But they weren’t. Similarly, if they found a text that said that Rome would punish you by blocking you from the goods you needed if you didn’t work and think like they wanted you to, again, you’d be caught. This is code, people. All they’re saying is, if you don’t work and think like the empire wants, you’ll be an outcast, broke, penniless, and unable to feed yourselves.

Well, civilization won, and for centuries after, you and I have been working for a living. If you don’t work, you get fired, lose your paycheck, and no longer take part in the goods that this earth once gave freely to all before the stupid human species decided one should have to pay rent to live on this earth. That’s all they were saying in Revelation. If you don’t want the mark of this beast, are you ready to become a hermit and stop making/paying money for things? I didn’t think so.


But stupid Pharisees couldn’t grasp it, and Romans had no idea, how the fuck do you expect simple-minded fundamentalist or even non-fundie Christians of today to understand this? The Bible is a fairy tale. These things didn’t, haven’t, and won’t be happening ever. But hey, why let that stop you from going crazy trying to figure out who Teh Antichrist is going to be, right?

If you had any idea how Revelation was actually warning people that Rome would use a fundamentalist religion, like today’s Christianity, to push those values onto people, you’d be laughing your ass off, just as I am. After all, I did underline some other portions of that Revelation passage above, didn’t I?

Yeah. I did. And Rome did take over Christianity and permanently change it. So really, as I’ve said before, Christianity was changed into its own Antichrist. Explains everything about today’s Christianity, doesn’t it?

Oh, and by the way, it’s even a total snope anyway. Isn’t it hilarious how people so easily duped by fairytale preach so damned much about TRUTH all the time?