Bible Studies from an Asshole: #ConservativesGetUpsetWhen…

Today’s Twitter trend of #LiberalsGetUpsetWhen has been swamped and damned near usurped by liberals destroying their arguments. Some easily…

…while others were just incredibly… stupid!

I guess we hallucinated so much of history, especially recent history…

So yeah, when #ConservativesGetUpsetWhen began as a counter-trend, I sat and had a little fun with it. I didn’t realize I’d written so damned many!

#ConservativesGetUpsetWhen…

...their bubbles are popped and reality starts to seep in. They're like Borg having to fix the dogma breach.
...they are called Republican, because they insist they're not. They're independents. Yeah, that's the ticket!
...they wake up and remember it's the 10's, but not the 1910's.
...it turns out a liberal was right, and they were totally wrong about what liberals think. Like always.
...they realize all their 'fiscally responsible' policies have been exactly the opposite.
...Obama 'only' paid 18% in taxes (forgetting Romney is under 14% of what few funds are still in America).
...you remind them ours isn't the absolutely best country ever in history in any way whatsoever.
...you remind them that their fat-ass scooters were government program issues and that they're officially socialists
...they lose elections because they really really prayed to win, so either God doesn't exist, or He's against them.
...House GOP Cuts $331M from Embassy Security Funding but Blames #Benghazi on Obama http://huff.to/W29xo6
#ConservativesGetUpsetWhen profits suffer. #LiberalsGetUpsetWhen people suffer. And that says everything on why they're incredibly different
...you show global warming is real but trickle-down is not. They always counter by bashing the Keynesian. Whatevs.
...you remind them they've never had a sexy conservative tour, like we've had a @sexyliberal one!
...you point out evolution does NOT say we came from monkeys... so upset they start screaching like howler monkeys.
...their kids might learn some 'liberal propaganda' (scientific facts) in schools instead of their rightwing indoctrination.
...liberals don't wig out over the stuff they think we will, because, unlike them, we're not caricatures.
...you point out MSNBC is corporate owned, and therefore, not really the liberal equivalent to FoxNews.
...they insult a woman by calling her lesbian, and they turn around and say, "Thank you" because they love lesbians (I <3 you, P!nk!)
...they pretend that their god and prayer was removed from schools, then you do nothing when they pray in school.
...you remind them how many of their gun-waving warmonger spokespeoople were chickenhawk draft dodgers.
...you remind them corporate subsidies and lobbyist paybacks broke the country far more than welfare people ever can
...Michelle Obama encourages healthy eating. Meanwhile they can force things into vaginas and that's not big govt.
...they blather details from ridiculous writings and all sorts of ancient obfuscation, trying to sound incredibly intelligent, and you don't buy any of it because reality trumps writings of dead people.
...you remind them the original Tea Party wasn't against taxation, but was a desire for representation; today's most represented pays lowest taxes ever and whine about even that!
...their talking points are shot down. Leaves them with nothing to say except eloquent things like FUCK YOU!
...gay people hold hands in public, because it icks them out. And of course God promised them nothing ever should.
...the Supreme Court interprets the Constitution correctly, rather than with Scalia's fucked up mentality.
...they think Sharia Law's being proposed because they don't want their religion's version of it to have competition.
...you have sex for pleasure instead of solely for childbearing, because... honestly, I have no idea why. So stupid.
...a black man is president, because they wanted their token one to be the first so they could pretend to be 'down.
...they realize they suck in debates, so they throw fake tantrums boycotts against NBC over the Hilary miniseries.
...after saying Obama's the worse president ever, you ask for specifics, and they have none to give that can't be easily shot down by facts about their own most recent presidents.
...the sun comes up the sun goes down the tides come in the tides go out... and we CAN explain it.
...they're reminded Hitler was Christian, Stalin was a greedy capitalist, and fascism is also called corporatism.
...they're female, talk about their religion judgmentally at you, and you remind them the bible says women are supposed to STFU and let their husbands talk instead.
...Obama is president while Verizon's calls are overseen, and you remind them they were FOR this under Bush.
...you pay your fair share of taxes because then it becomes their turn.
...their car elevators break down. #WhitePeopleProblems
...they say jump and minorities are long through asking how high.
...a person receives benefits, paid vacation, and a living wage for their toil, because unions built that.
...they don't get their way on absolutely every single motherfucking thing like it'll be the apocalypse or something.
...you use facts, because facts are just Satan's way of tricking you into not voting Republican.

Friday, August 9, 2013

#ConservativesGetUpsetWhen…

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