Tuesday, September 23, 2014

OMG OBAMA’S GONNA KILL US ALL!!!

image Pretty much anything the president does means we’re all going to die, and everything’s going to suck forevermore, and Satan is going to win, as will the terrorists, because I mean, come on, you know,  he’s like, just so, GAAAAHHHHH! At least according to the Right. If he chose Pepsi, he’s a traitor to the south where Coke is made, and if he chooses Coke, it’s just to distract you from Benghazi.

When a friend posted this horse shit, I finally thought it was time to just rip one of these to shreds. So here I am, heckling this absurd Western Journalism post that they got from WallStreetDaily.com, because why write your own shit, am I right? My comments of hecklage in red letters, as always…

image

Unbelievable: Obama Just Did Something That Could Endanger Over 250 Million Americans

Only in Obama’s White House would such foolishness be contemplated, much less ordered. After all, no foolishness ever occurred in any administration ever until this black guy came along. Especially not the previous administration. I know a lot of you think that it might have, but OMG LOOK, BENGHAZI!!!!!!!!!!

Avatar of Floyd Brown FLOYD BROWNSEPTEMBER 18, 2014

image

Barack Obama doesn’t want to deploy the military to fight the Islamic State – something they’re actually trained to do. Let’s completely ignore that this isn’t an Islamic state, and let’s have absolutely no regard for the fact we should never have gone there in the first place, that we only went to Iraq because of lies, and those lies completely destroyed what was a stable country that once kept Islamic regimes at bay, until the previous administration (which has never done anything foolish at all!) invaded and destroyed all of that stability just to give Halliburton lots of profits. Because what really matters is shouting about how horrible everything the black guy does is the worst thing ever so that you’ll forget the previous administrations extreme stupidity.

Instead, he’s ordered 3,000 troops to enter western Africa to fight the deadly Ebola virus, which has an 80% mortality rate. Because Obama wants you all to get Ebola and die! How do I know this? Because I read it in something and I watch FoxNews, and they said some say it so… there you go.

It’s certainly another blemish on Obama’s report card. Just like everything else he’s ever done. Because we only see blemishes. Look, he’s blemishing right now! Look at how he’s breathing in oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide! THAT BASTARD!!!! And it acts as further proof that Obama always ignores the secondary consequences of his actions. Uh… yeah! What that means! I’ll be right back. I have to look up the word secondary. And consequences. But yeah, Wall Street Daily uses big words that my rightwing mind barely understands, so that must make it a good news source!

This time around, though, Obama may have volunteered America for a biological genocide… because fighting a disease is the same trying to make sure everyone on earth gets it! He should do what Reagan did and do absolutely nothing at all about diseases like HIV. That’s a real hero! That helped make sure nobody ever got AIDS at all!

Blindly Heading Down a Slippery Slope

Consider this: Right now, the Ebola virus is passed by bodily fluids. I know, right? Ewww! Bodily fluids are of the devil! Nobody should ever exchange fluids ever! So right there those with bodily fluids deserve to die, so sayeth the lord.

But, according to CNN, many of our nation’s top infectious disease experts are worried that this deadly virus could mutate. Now mutation is part of that wretched evil thing called evolutionary theory, but in this case we’re going to believe in it because it’ll help you be terrified of something that the black guy did. Once it mutates, it could be transmitted by a cough or a simple sneeze. So far this has only happened in every single Tom Clancy novel, so of course we’re terrified!

Dr. Michael Osterholm, Director of the Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy at the University of Minnesota, told CNN, and National Review, and The Blaze, and on Minnesota’s Public Radio where he’s throwing a Lindsey Graham level fiddle dee dee that it’s coming for Minnesota… no wait, I mean, where he was quite rational on the subject as opposed to what you saw on National Review, and CNN, and the Blaze, so make sure you only pay attention to the media sources that want you to be terrified… all others are liberal media liars! Fortunately we have a quote here so we can be one of those people: “It’s the single greatest concern I’ve ever had in my 40-year public health career… I can’t imagine anything in my career – and this includes HIV – that would be more devastating to the world than a respiratory transmissible Ebola virus.” And don’t forget, we also have a headline saying Obama’s going to kill 80% of America!!! So you know we’re not Satan’s nipple-tweeking buttboys like the liberal media is!!!

We’re sure as hell not going to talk to Dr. Daniel Bausch, who went on liberal liberal liberal NPR, who when asked if it were airborn, said, “No, I don't think airborne transmission is going on. From all the data we have from other outbreaks, and as best as we can surmise from this outbreak, people who get Ebola had direct contact with other people who had Ebola… I can't think of any example of mutations that have fundamentally changed the biology of a pathogen so it's transmitted through a different mechanism than would be its norm. I don't think there is true aerosol transmission, and I'm not worried about mutations conferring it.” NPR also said said, “Finding volunteers to go to West Africa will not be easy, he notes. But without such an effort, he stresses, the only scenario is the worst-case scenario.” Those liberal bastards!!!

As you can see, this already-dangerous situation could quickly escalate into a full-blown massacre in our country. And yet, thousands of soldiers are following Obama down a slippery slope into western Africa. And yes, we make a lot of slippery slope arguments on the Right, like the idea that gay marriage will have people fucking their toasters and marrying their goats, but this time we really mean it!!! And we really want you to think the black president’s going to kill us all!!!

Undoubtedly, the Ebola virus is deadly and needs to be confronted. But if Obama’s confronting it, then confrontation is just plain wrong because we have to say everything is wrong that he does. But it has to be confronted. But not by him. But if he doesn’t then he doesn’t care about you dying from Ebola! But he is! So he’s going to kill us all!!! And! And! And…. wait….. computer….. confused…. must be…. re-programmed….. does…… not…. computer…. error… ERROR!!! ………..ERROR!!!!!!!

image

image

Well, so much for Republicans not making the usual ass of themselves that they do, and instead, doing the good Christian thing of healing people. Nah, let’s make up shit and fear-monger people and blame everything on earth on the black guy. As usual.