Sunday, November 10, 2013

I have discovered a new species: Facepalmus maximus

The Facepalmicus maximus is of the Kingdom Moronicus, the Phylum Whatthefuckicus, the Class Crazylum, the Order Bangheadondeskicus, and the Family Ohnohedidntus. Its main function within its ecosystem is to wake America's sheeple up so they can see that nothing is as it seems. These specimens are identifiable by the use of tin foil as clothing, and the consistent use of the phrase, "Wake up," usually after accusing someone of believing anything mindlessly, usually when someone doesn't quite grasp why they are willing to believe anything no matter how crazy it sounds.

I found one such specimen of F. maxiumus today in his natural environment known as the World Wide Web. They are particularly found within social media where this creature (commonly known as the Conspiranut, or the American Snope-eating Boob) can be seen reflexively sharing links and swearing they are absolutely true. This particular one responded to a rather severe stimuli involving the assassination of JFK:

JFmmmK 1

The particular link this specimen, named Keven, shared is one from a female Boob who submitted the notion that the driver of the limo was the actual shooter of JFK, leaving behind the following video as evidence:

As another person falls prey to his notion, I step in to interact with the specimen. Watch what happens when I try to use reason and even prove to him that he is just plain wrong, which naturally provokes the Snope eater, causing him to ruffle up his ego in order to demonstrate power and authority:

In my first test I attempt to see how the specimen reacts to proof of the contrary:

JFmmmK 2

This is the video which I had exposed the specimen:

Notice the ritualistic use of the "wake up" chant to exert his perceived superiority onto his syllogistic opponent:

JFmmmK 2b

The Conspiranut has a possible feed craving for mutton, and so projects the identity of a sheep onto those with whom they entangle, in hopes that this will defeat the competitor. It does not work in this instance, and so the specimen takes down this post but not before I was able to preserve screenshots. I did notice a similar post, however, and attempted to continue interaction:

JFmmmK 3

This attempt, however, proved fruitless:

the crazy1

This interaction seems to have spooked the specimen away, causing another of the F. maximus' adaption strategies: the de-friending ritual. Without contact I was forced to study another specimen by the username of WebFlixsGuy, a rather characteristic type of the Snope eating Boob who posted this video to YouTube:

Notice the use of the song, That's Just the Way it is by Don Henley, known to be the theme for the Sean Hannity program, which is hosted by yet another specimen. Notice the repeated use of the grammatically incorrect colloquialism, My momma didn't raise no fool, as he typically proves he has been easily fooled by another Conspiranut's mating call.

While I shall not be able to continue studying the particular specimen named Keven, I am convinced by the other specimens that enough is already documented in this particular study to accurately predict the actions and behaviors of all specimens of this particular species.