Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Satan writes commandments, apparently

I demand these new Ten Commandments be posted in front of every government building in Amurka or I'll scream how my religious rights are violated! Because these ten are awesome... sure better than those other lame ones that stupid YHWH gave us. They're almost as good as the Flying Spaghetti Monster's Eight I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts.

Alan Keyes' conservative sanitary rag, Renew America, posted this sack of shit written by Paul Kokowski... which sounds Russian. I'm betting he's an agent of Commielzebub. Red letters are my comments, as always...

The Bible tells us that Satan has the ability to "appear as an angel of light." And in no way does the fact that you just said that strike you as ironic, Paul? Nowhere is this more evident than in the radical attempt to promote homosexuality in society today as something good. Because of course that's a lie. In reality homosexuality isn't good, it's FUCKING AWESOME!!! For the purpose of deceiving Mankind and destroying souls, Satan has thus given the homosexual lobby the following 10 commandments.

1) Always see your sexual opponent (anyone who rejects homosexual acts) as the enemy. Project what they see as your sexual disorder onto them by repetitiously calling them "homophobes"; 
Okay, I don't think of your as a sexual opponent. Sex isn't a battle, and I'm certainly not having any of it with you to make you my "opponent." If you're this fucking psychotic about what I'm doing with someone else besides you, then you are quite phobic. I mean after all, you have invoked Satan as being my mentor here. That's pretty xenophobic. So of course that's a very accurate word. But I'd rather just call you a homomanic freak because your obsessiveness with what I do, and need to prove it as a disorder, is simply worthy of psychiatric analysis.

2) Separate the act of sex from its natural purpose of procreation by referring to all homosexual relationships as expressions of "love" rather than "lust"; 
I actually don't call all relationships that of love. I do refer to some as lust. I do the same with heterosexual relationships that are dysfunctional. But others are love. One doesn't suffer an inability to love another because of genitals. If you can only love another based on genitals then, again, psychiatric analysis is in order.

3) Fight to deny those who oppose homosexual acts their right to free of speech. In absolutely no way whatsoever. We are instead fighting to prevent your harassment from having sole voice and doing great harm to innocent people. At the same time enforce your own right to free speech on others by copiously using the liberal media and other outlets to label your opponents every unsavory thing from "bigot" to "idiot." I don't recall any of YHWH's commandments being this wordy or obfuscated. Use the words "equality" and "hate" often and unrelentingly as if only you – the homosexual – understand their meaning. Because we want equality and only your irrational hate is what prevents it. We are using words correctly here. If anyone objects, accuse them of discrimination. Because it is, in fact, discrimination. Keep in mind that politicians and judges are your friends. Really? Which ones? We have so few who actually are. Many of them are openly practicing homosexuals and the rest, swayed by power and the almighty dollar, will do anything for your vote. Like the many who stand up against marriage equality because it gets them massive votes from the many homophobic citizens in their area? What planet are you on anyway? Remember, too, that in today's politically correct and morally relativistic society there is no objective moral order and that it often takes only one civil judge to side in your favor for you to achieve your ends; Uh... there is. It's just not your idiotic one.
Of course the sum of this one is to say that gays are supposed to take their abuse and not talk back at all. If they do, just shame them further with these talking points. Because defense makes Jebus cry. Yeah, not happening. We'll fight your stupid ass because unlike you, when nobody's looking and you're incognito in a backroom, Mr. Kokowski, we don't just take it up the ass without giving it right back to ya. We reciprocate.

4) Use the "race card" unceasingly against your enemy by equating homosexual behaviour (which can change) with a person's color (which, by one's will alone, cannot). Most people don't know the difference; 
Okay, religion can also change, but is not an acceptable criteria for discrimination. Also, homosexuality can NOT change, only be abstained, and with absolutely no good reason to do so whatsoever except to satisfy the threats of silly religious people like you. Most people do know the difference between sexual orientation and race, but they also know that discrimination is simply discrimination and isn't just something based on skin color. Homosexuality is present in every race and in many different animals as well. It is not chosen anymore than skin color. Your religion is. It's not a "race card" but a "human rights" card that we play, and that's what scares you. Because you're simply on the wrong side of this issue and will be judged by history in the same harsh way that Jim Crow laws are today.

5) Build yourself up in the eyes of the indifferent masses – who are mere sheep because what they should be doing is obeying wholeheartedly the same beliefs you have... that's not sheeplike at all!– by claiming to be a modern person of tolerance and peace – one who is accepting of all. And that's supposed to be a bad thing, I guess. The people will believe you because in today's materialistic word I think you mean world people are focused primarily on themselves and their own gain. Now pass the offering plate... Pastor needs a new set of wheels. They have little or no concern for what others do as long as it does not effect them. And it does not affect you. That's actually called minding your own business, and is a trait that's pretty fucking commendable to most people who think and aren't mindless religious sheep terrified that Satan's lurking out there to make them want cock. Ridicule and undermine the intelligence of your more worthy opponents Don't flatter yourself... you're not worthy at all. by resorting to ambiguity and sarcasm. Oh poor baby. Never resist a chance to claim that they are living in the "Dark Ages"; You mean those days when religion ruled over things? A historical period that those who've learned from history wish not to repeat? You'd rather we not learn from history now?

6) Act and speak as if homosexuals have a corner on the truth and that they alone – not their opponents – can demand of society what is right and wrong. IRONY OVERLOAD... hang on, this hurts like an ice cream headache... *cough cough*..... okay, continue... Use every form of deceit imaginable including the use of straw man arguments and false scientific studies  – anything that will appeal to the simpleton. Lie, deceive, put on a false front. *LMAO ROFL OMGWTFBBQ* Pretend you are a friend. You mean by saying you'll pray for me? Talk of peace and brotherhood. You love the sinner but hate the sin? Make pledges of co-operation and mutual assistance. You'll tolerate us but you still know in your heart we're going to hell? In short, destroy your opponent with a kiss; Oh come on, you're just being kinky now.

7) Confuse the distinction between "hating the sin" and "loving the sinner." Not confused by that at all. I'm also not confused by what you mean by bless your heart, you backstabbing passive aggressive asshole. This is an absolute must since everyone – especially parents – know the time-honored value of disciple and "tough love." I think you mean discipline, and if you want to learn something about discipline, I know a great club I can show you. This can be effectively achieved by introducing special "anti-bullying" laws into schools that aim at protecting homosexuals from the enemy. Because of course it's totally right to beat up on queer kids, so don't try to stop it. God gave us that right and Satan tries to take it away. Nothing phobic or sheeplike in that! If you find that someone suspects your true motives how dare you want equality! and resists on the grounds that homosexuals should not be given special status in this regard because an inivisible man in the sky supposedly said so or that such laws are merely an attempt to normalize homosexuality in society as though we need help, with how many of you have a "wide stance" for us in secret, use both the "equality" and the "separation of church and state" card against them; which are accurate and true.

8) Never lose sight of the fact that God is your ultimate enemy. Wow. I've never felt more secure in my life, knowing that my ultimate enemy is something that doesn't exist. Attack God and all religion as something oppressive, hypocritical and evil. Even though I know of many who believe in a god, do not oppress, are not hypocritical, and are certainly not evil, leaving you with absolutely no excuse for the way you are. This is easily done by take taking biblical quotes out of context to suite your own purpose and meaning. Suite! I'll call that a Freudian slip. He's probably thinking of the bible he reads in his hotel suite after he creates something else to confess about with his boy toy. At the same time avoid all talk of the murderous regimes of atheists like Hitler and Stalin; I didn't know they were homosexuals! Or even remotely relevant to anything you're talking about at all! I do know they're only a couple of people who've held such regimes, and that the rest of them have been religious. I guess you'll be ignoring those though, right?

9) Assure everyone that no religion will be made to suffer from societies' acceptance of homosexuality. No, I know that my existence makes you suffer. I rather enjoy that. You're the asshole who deserves to. You see, your hate is a choice. My sexuality is not. Speak always and often of equality and co-existence. As good things, because apparently they're bad things or something. Claim, as a sham, snare, and illusion, that tradition marriage and homosexual marriage can live side-by-side in complete harmony. I know right? Everytime I see gay couples living next to straight couples I have only ever seen them firing cannons at each other and trying to key each others' cars. Dismiss as silly and unviable that would be nonviable any attempt to show that the "Pill" – which was introduced to separate and tear asunder the act of sex from the gift of life – has led to the disintegrated of the family. Oh. My. God. I had no idea the pill was a gay conspiracy! Since, as a gay man, I've... uh... never... taken one. Wait, what? I think buttsex has 
led to the disentegrated [sic] of his grammar skills. I think he accidentally a penis a time or two. At the same time, and wherever possible, work diligently behind the scenes to drag your religious opponent into court whenever his moral values even begin to clash with yours. Well at least we're not sexual opponents anymore. Yeah, I wasn't feeling it either. It's okay, it's not me. It's you. Wait, I have court because you know I drag everyone I disagree with there, so let's wrap this up, chatty Cathy. Test and try every court until you find a judge who is your friend. My special friend. Who... oh who am I kidding, you caught me. I'm a judge fucker. Especially work on religious adoption agencies and church ministers who lecture on the evils of homosexuality and same-sex marriage in their sermons. Because you surely don't ever especially work on agencies and institutions that are welcoming and tolerant of gays. Ever. Right? Where this is not possible infiltrate the priesthood so as to corrupt religion from within, Oh honey, we don't infiltrate the priesthood to corrupt it. Gays have been there forever, because they believed someone's bullshit about homosexuality being shameful and curable if they pray enough. And then they find out they cannot cure it, and secretly end up fucking kids. Because somehow all of that is completely better than just being open, proud, and honest with ones self.

10) Redefine joyful and well-established words and symbols like "marriage," "spouse," "gay" and "rainbow" and attach them to homosexual acts in order to give sin an innocent, natural and pleasing appeal. We redefined rainbow? What did we make it into, a sexual position involving Criso and a paintbrush? And isn't this coming from someone who tries to make Christianity have an appeal by saying it can cure gayness?

This, in effect, is the homosexual lobby manifesto that is sweeping the world. Yes indeed folks, Satan is among us! And you know what... he, being nonexistent, makes more sense than you do, as evidenced by what you just said he says. 

So folks, remember to be terrified by the boogieman, don't be fooled by all those... uh... facts that don't come out of an archaic storybook because you should instead believe in those in a sheeplike fashion. And whatever you do... don't feed any gays after midnight.