Wednesday, August 13, 2014

No, Pastor, you’re misinterpreting last night…

Steve Washburn of First Baptist Pflugerville was at the Texas Values press conference and made quite a claim:

“I think before I step aside, I want to say this . . . If it becomes illegal for us to stand in our pulpit and preach pro-family issues… if that, if that language, if that biblical language becomes hate speech… if we’re facing imprisonment by speaking our religion which is defended by the First Amendment, we’re going to see thousands and thousands of bible preaching pastors going to jail. I don’t think anyone wants to see that.”


Now of course he has no evidence whatsoever that anybody’s making preaching illegal, nor that anybody’s going to be imprisoned for it. Nor does he seem to realize that the same amendment letting him speak also lets me stay safely in a government that is separated from the teachings of his church, which is the entire point of everything. I mean seriously, gays have been bashed left and right throughout this country’s history by believers, but I’m not entirely sure he could give me any evidence of any pastor being gayed to death.

But mostly, I think he’s simply misinterpreting what happened to him last night. You see, when he snuck away for some of that good ol gay sex that pastors like him secretly like, he asked for something extra kinky. He did not end up in jail. The gay men simply had a harmless prison scene with him. That’s all. You know how it is with these preacher people. They’re curious and pretend to know what they’re doing when they’re inexperienced. They’ve read 50 Shades of Grey one time and think they can handle anything until you try it on them. Then they go home crying to their wifey. Somebody please explain all this to him. Thanks.