Wednesday, January 15, 2014

FAMBLA: The Antichrist, Satan, and persecution epidemics…

The American Family ASSociation (AFA)’s fun little “news” station, One News Now, has given us some fun in recent times. I get their emails because they are totally worth getting. Mostly because they really do reveal how little clout they have, and how much they completely suck.

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PerfectDumbass Obama isn’t the Antichrist
You’ll probably be heavily relieved to learn this. Your relief will die a fiery, instant death. You see, he’s not the antichrist, but he is the one leading the way to the antichrist. The Anti-John the Anti-Baptist, if you will. The opening act. This is according to a professional, of course. His name is Robert Jeffress and I’m sure he’s been trying all his life to find signs and shit from the Apocalypse. He’s probably predicted as many dates as Marilyn J. Agee and is still being taken seriously. I don’t know this for fact.

But just before you think for a second that they’re having a tiny moment of being a small milisecond of reasonable, it’s actually an opportunity to get this dig in:

In talking with OneNewsNow, the pastor explains: "I want to be clear: I'm not at all saying Barack Obama is the Antichrist. In fact, I'm sure he's not – and one reason I know that is the Bible teaches the Antichrist will have higher poll numbers than Barack Obama."

As always, FAMBLA offers a poll that you can take, which is completely slanted. In this one they are asking which of three traits is the clearest indicator of the ‘spirit’ of the Antichrist. They suggest, of course, big gubmint, and the idea that there are any other religions with equal validity, which makes them scream like a vampire in the sunlight. But of course, the final choice (and I’m more than certain is their favorite) is the notion of same-sex marriage. AFA after all is obsessed with same-sex marriage. They think about gay sex more than gays do. 

Notice what’s missing from the list, however. No choice that there will be no Antichrist because nothing scriptural suggests such a thing at all. No choice that it might be someone who advocates this level of hatred but says nothing about compassion for the poor or needy because they’ve completely forgotten about those aspects of Christianity. And even though the same-sex marriage thing is the last one mentioned, as though they were trying to hide how much an anti-gay hate group they really are, when you click to see the results, that’s what is listed on top even though it’s gotten the least votes:

ACpoll  ACpollAnswers

Well okay, to be fair, maybe they’re going by what gets the least to most votes. But you know it’s got to be eating at them that people aren’t hating on the gays like they want them to. After all, don’t forget the visions of them crying oh so hard whenever marriage equality wins, like in Oklahoma. It’s so much fun to make them cry.

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wildmon logic Absolutely ridiculous whims of Satan revelers
The totally awesome Oklahoma group who wants a statue of Satan, privately funded, equally placed on state grounds with the Ten Commandments, are of course illogical and absolutely ridiculous. Why? Because experts in Jebusism say so, and I guess that should be totally all you need to know. Odd considering how logic is usually seen as the enemy of belief, causing believers to insist we abandon it all together. Or that logic is whatever Wildmon believes.

Liberty Counsel founder Mat Staver reacts: "This is absolutely ridiculous. This shows the absurdity of those who are opposed to our Judeo-Christian values. To have a statue or a monument dedicated to Satan where children are invited to sit in Satan's lap is absolutely over the top."

The president of the American Family Association, Tim Wildmon, joined in yesterday: "Comparing the reasoning for displaying the Ten Commandments to the whims of Satan revelers is not logical. They have one goal – and that is to have the Ten Commandments removed from the public square. That's really what this is all about."

Why would anybody want their own religion’s rights to be seen equal to that of the way of Jebus? After all, let’s not forget that’s the popularly elected winner of the greatest sign of the Antichrist!

"[The Commandments] played a significant influencing and shaping role in American law and government," [Staver] explains. "It was part of the very foundation of Western values that was brought here to this country by our forefathers. This Ten Commandments is very much a part of America."

In absolutely no way whatsoever did they shape American law and government. Especially not as they stand today when we no longer recognize women as the property of their husbands, or enforce any form of state sanctioned religion (1st Amendment) so that people are made to worship YHWH above all other gods. We don’t even have to keep a sabbath. All they have is don’t kill or steal, and those are not original, nor unique, to Christianity or even to religion in general. But that doesn’t stop them from insisting without Jebus, we’d have no reason to be good people. But not just any religion. Theirs. Because only one does this, apparently:

OneNewsNow columnist Bryan Fischer argued in an article last week that the controversy demands a discussion about the meaning of the word "religion" in the First Amendment.

"... If by religion the Founders [of America] meant 'any system of belief in a supernatural power,' it's hard to see how the Satanists can be denied," Fischer writes. "But if by religion [they] meant 'Christianity' and its various denominations, then the answer to this problem is quite simple."

That’s it. No other religions existed back in those days. All others were made up entirely by people like you and me just to make Jebus angry. LOGIC! Perhaps this is why there’s an “epidemic” of hostility towards Christians in public schools…

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OMGpersecuted Yeah, hostility
And why can we say there’s an epidemic of hostility? What’s the evidence of this that allows FAMBLA to go ahead and declare it an epidemic?

Over the last year, Advocates for Faith & Freedom has experienced a surge in phone calls from both parents and students who are victims of religious-motivated bullying. The group has noticed roughly two to three times the number of calls for assistance in the past 60 to 90 days than it typically receives within a year. Most of the calls originate in California, but requests are coming from all across the country.

Yes, that’s right. Phone calls from Christians who are claiming to be bullied. In California. In one classroom. Equals an epidemic:

The legal group reported Monday that another first-grader in the Golden State was told by school officials that she is "not allowed to talk about the Bible in school." That incident in Temecula, California, came on the heels of asimilar report out of West Covina, California, in which first-grader Isaiah Martinez was told "Jesus is not allowed in school."

And of course, public funded schools must go by that little thing called the 1st Amendment which, sadly, doesn’t allow for you to push religion onto kids. Frowny face. And this has been known to everyone for quite some time. But suddenly this is an epidemic because they were able to get it in a quote from a General Counsel member:

"The disapproval and hostility that Christian students have come to experience in our nation's public schools has become epidemic," he states. "We stand for the purpose of trying to protect kids in the public school system from the unlawful hostility that is so often directed these days towards Christian students and towards their religious beliefs."

That makes it official, I guess.

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*FAMBLA was the name given to the AFA by none other than Jon Stewart on the Daily Show when he reported about a flaming cross Christmas ornament they'd sold on their website. Everyone else in the WWW seems to have forgotten about this except for someone named "UnderCover Couch Potato" in the comments of this page, or Texas Revolutionary in the comments for this DailyKOS article. My deepest sympathies to Husna on Twitter who used @fambla as his username.